Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize