Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
