I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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