It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
