It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
