if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
this hospital has no fireball
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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