Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
