I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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