$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
