so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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