I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
