theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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