I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize