Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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