I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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