he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
