Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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