thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
