I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
