It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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