Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
