i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
