shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
