Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
