is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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