She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
