i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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