i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
