me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
