I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
