Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Drunk is not a location!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
