Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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