made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
