Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
