if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
