i was born a porn star she said
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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