Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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