The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
