I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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