He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
