I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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