Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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