And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I love having hate sex.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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