I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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