dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
