You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
