What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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