i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
