his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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