I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
