In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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