i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
