is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize