Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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