i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
