so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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