If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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