We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
