Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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