Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
