so explain again why im purple
no
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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