we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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