i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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