Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
