Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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