dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
