How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize