i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
