Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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